so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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