I think I just saw someone hide a body.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I smell like Dick and happiness
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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