You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
