someone get that fucking seahorse.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
