Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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