hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
