so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
