Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize