Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
