between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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