So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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