ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
