I just threw up on my dentist
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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