my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
