My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
