I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
