i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
