Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
