Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
