I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
