I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
