I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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