the condom got lost in my hair
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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