walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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