So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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