so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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