Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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