I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
