Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
