does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
