I got chris browned last night
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Operation Purity has been aborted
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
