Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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