Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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