You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
