the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
