I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Is Oprah even human
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
