So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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