Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
