Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
