She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we made out on top of his cat.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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