If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
as a side note pls kill me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
