I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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