her vagine was all disorganized.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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