we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Randomize
