we're blogging at a bar
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize