i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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