So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
