Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
