I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
