Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
