Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
