i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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