I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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