He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
