Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
