If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
