Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
