I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
