Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
