I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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