Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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