3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
