oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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