Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
