Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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