Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
