Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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