u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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