defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
