how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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