cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
