Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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