Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
