He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
