the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
