Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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