please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
