I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
