But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
