i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
