dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
