My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
